Tuesday, June 1, 2010
And each day, I shall start anew.
"So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key." ~The Eagles
I often find myself stuck in a frame of mind that I have all these great ideas, but I don't have the means to carry them out. Or so I think. Accompanying that same frame of mind are the sister frame of minds of, "I would love to do that, but I don't have enough money," "I really want to start doing "X," but I don't have enough time/forget/can't keep up the habit," and my personal favorite, "I really want to think/be "X," but I can't."
At 24 years of age, I have become more keen of my surroundings, of my emerging adult spirit, and cognizant of the importance of life. In the years post-mortem, cough cough, I mean post-college, I have wrestled with these new found questions about myself and the world. I arise in the morning with the zeal of a child; wide-eyed and sponge-like, attempting to soak in all that I can. It is like I have finally let into the elusive "Adult's Club" and I don't know the first frikking thing about being a member but I am trying my damnedest to figure it out. All this being said, please refer to paragraph numero uno; I often find myself imposing excuses on my ideas, thoughts, and motivations. I often inhibit my own personal growth. It is as almost as if I am baby - learning the rules of society, how to walk and talk like an adult, and the morals and principles of being a "good" person.
It is this contradiction that is the beauty of the stumble through your 20's. It is the beautifully disastrous contradiction that we all face. The desire to change ourselves for the better, all while we settle for half-hearted excuses why not. For some of us, figuring out our life passions and career paths are not for the faint hearted. It is a daily struggle inside our minds and souls, and the constant question, "What do I want to spend the next 40 years of my life doing?"
I have no frikking clue.
Maybe that's part of the adventure. All I know is, I have got the keys to unlock the chains on "I want to..but..." and that's all that matters. Our 20's are frightening yet exhilarating, exhausting yet fulfilling, and opportunistic yet shackled.
So here's to putting myself out there. Here's to unlocking the chains and voicing my experiences and fears. Here's to sharing my thoughts and to the people that feel a connection and say, "I thought I was the only one who felt this." Here's to attempting to figure out this "Adult's Club" with grace, humor, and strength. Here goes nothin'.