Friday, August 6, 2010
Whelp, it's almost 2 months til the day since I last updated this blog. What can I say? Where do I begin? I feel like I owe an apology or something! (Cripe, I am apologizing to a technological source. It truly is 2010.)
Friends and family have repeatedly asked me over the past few months why I haven't written in my blog. The answer is a deep one. For those who I do not feel like delving my personal insights, I give them the "I know, I know. I've been so busy! I'll write in it soon." But for the friends that I know well, and feel a safe harbor for my silly little feelings, I tell them the truth.
The truth is: I feel like for the first time in my life I am living; an awakening if you will. It all began when I left for the illustrious road trip to Florida I have previously written about. We left about 8:30pm on Tuesday, June 8th. The owner of the car (Kevin) had worked all day and settled in for a night's sleep in the backseat. I behind the wheel, and my co-pilot Bianca by my side. Let's pause - I have previously dogged Bianca for being a narcoleptic. She falls asleep just about anywhere, so needless to say, I was nervous about her co-piloting abilities. I figured she'd put up a good fight and doze off mid-sentence, like she always does, somewhere around 3am. The exact opposite happened. About 3 cans of Red Bulls deep, me and Bianca proceeded to engage in a meaningful, deep conversation about every facet of life; love, goals, dreams, family, values, and of course, plenty of funny stories. For five hours, two friends conversed through the star splashed night, on roads we had never driven, and discussing topics we'd never covered. We watched the sun rise together in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee, marveling in the beauty of the fog nestled between the lush green hills, the glassy highway-side lakes, and screaming every time we saw a sign for "Visit Ruby Falls!" (If you have ever driven this stretch, you will see, no joke, about 100 signs for Ruby Falls.) I told Bianca I would never forget that night. I will remember it until I die. There is something so quietly beautiful, yet alarmingly simple, about our experience for those five hours.
Spending a few days in St. Pete Beach was exactly what I needed. Fresh off a nasty breakup, I took the time to soak in the goodness that was upon me; the warm sun on my skin, digging my heels into the sand, running full speed into the warm, splashing waves, stimulating conversation over beers with my best friends, and most of all, I began to think about my immediate future. Something about the atmosphere in St. Pete bit me like an infectious bug. I HAD to live here. If not here, anywhere where I could experience a new taste of life. I told myself by Summer 2012, I would be out of Chicago. I made a list of steps I need to take to make that goal happen.
Arriving back in Chicago, I spent June and July running wild and free. I cannot even begin to express how liberating it is to be single. It's no secret that I am a serial dater. A hopeless romantic. The girl that always has a boyfriend. The liberation of singleness (for me), does not derive from being able to talk to whatever guys I choose. It is the fact that I get to do me. I get to spend time alone, time with friends, and fly by the seat of my pants. And that is exactly what I have been doing.
This longwinded answer to why I haven't been blogging comes down to this: I have been soaking up experiences, feelings, and generally been enjoying life to such an extent that I don't feel a need to write about it. I wanted life to become me, live inside my eager veins, and burst inside me. It is not that I am letting this school of thought die. I know feel like I have been gaining perspective on myself and enjoying life so much, that I didn't want to stop for a moment to reflect. I just had to live. Not think, just live.
But here I am, writing again. I have always found it to be a character flaw that I don't always finish what I have started. When I was little, I quit gymnastics for ice skating, quit ice skating for soccer, quit soccer for cheerleading, and so forth. I have let opportunities that I began slip away because of this. I don't want to let that happen anymore. I won't let it happen anymore. I challenge you to think of things that you have started and not finished. It makes your stomach turn a little when you are honest with yourself.
The blog is back, ladies and gentlemen!